Mine and mine alone

Movin

2007-07-31T14:38:00.000+08:00

All good things must come to an end.

Nothing is ever constant....nothing lasts......

For the good part of the year, most of my attention and effort has been put into tryin to get a certain girl......but as my luck would have its way.....it will never work out....

Today I close that chapter of my life. Leaving all trace of feelings and hopes behind.. For the past 2 months i kept asking myself if all the work and effort has been in vain....No it has not been in vain......no effort is a useless....but it is a something to learn from.

Moving on never looked so bleak.......yet satisfying at the same time... No more worries abt anything.....now its all abt me and myself and I.

At least now i have my answer.

All good things must come to an end.....sooner or later.

Oppression

2007-07-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

Dear KA Young People,

Recently a member of our family was detained by the special brance of the police for being involved in some political issue of the government. His detainment was done in a suspicious way and now he is being remanded for 4 days starting yesterday.

Yes......Nat Tan is one of us, a fellow youth, a blogger and a friend......not many of you may know him but you know his parents Uncle Bob and Aunty Suku...and you know the rest of his family too....namely Cheryl and Christabel. He is a part of the KA family and was once an active member of our youth ministry.

He and his family needs us to pray for him and his family. They are going through a tough time and need our prayers..... So please pray for them to get through this safely and without harm.

For updates on him...visit Cheryl blog page at www.thetrialsofcheryl.wordpress.com

Pray my dear youth and friends.....

Thanks and God Bless
Ewen

Keepin it real.

2007-06-13T18:34:00.000+08:00

This Love

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye as she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
(it's alright, it's alright)
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
And I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
My heart is breaking in front of me
And she said goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
Her heart is breaking in front of me
But I have no choice, cause I won't say goodbye anymore
(fade out)

Learn to be Lonely

2007-03-22T16:31:00.000+08:00

Song: Learn to be Lonely

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone

This song was taken from The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack.

It was a love tried and lost...
It was a love that was suppose to come true....

Something Stupid

2007-03-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that theres a chance
You wont be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

I can see it in your eyes
That you despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though its just a line to you
For me its true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever
Lines to say
To make the meaning come true
But then I think Ill wait until the evening
Gets late
And Im alone with you

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the nights so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you...

Phuket

2007-03-01T01:51:00.000+08:00

I'm off to phuket.......

See u all when i get back on the 6th.

Cheers

TGIT

2007-02-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

I had a date with a beautiful girl last night. The only thing is that she woudl probally deny that beautiful part and say she is just pretty ok. But to me....sigh...hehehe..she is beautiful.

A friend of mine claimed....that if she did not know me...she coudl have sworn that this was like my first major crush. You know what....it does feel like a huge crush but its not.....I really like this girl a lot.

To me last night was TGIT....Thank God its Thursday....cos she said YES to dinner. The one thing that suprised me abt this girl is that she loves food just as much as me... and thats superb.

Another reason to fall head over heels over her.

Blood Diamond

2007-01-31T13:52:00.000+08:00

Went for my first movie with her on monday night. We went to go watch Blood Diamond. It was an ok movie, but i enjoyed the company most of all.
We went for the 9 o'clock show, then after the movie, we went yam char. lol.. i got her back at 1.45am. Suprisingly her mum din call her to see where she were, but she did mention that her mum thinks i am a nice guy... :P Half the battle won i think?

It been more than a week since our first outing, and almost everynight since then, I have been in communication with her. SMS, IM, and calls. Lol....I haven't done this kind of communication in such a long time. Its nice. She's nice.

I really enjoy spending time with her. I really pray that we can go further.

Outings

2007-01-26T13:05:00.000+08:00

Its a friday....and for the last 2 nights, we have been out of the house where there were dancing and drinking....not to mention a lot of really beautiful girls too.

Wednesday Nite - Nelson Lin's Bachelors Night
Theme: Mambo Jambo
Venue: Velvet Underground, Zouk Club
Time: 1030pm to 230am

Nelson is Jen Mins s.t.b brother in law. so it was Jen's duty to take his bro in law out for a party before his wedding this sat. So we (the entire entourage) went for Mambo Night with the Bachelor boy in tow. It was a fun night...especially with the music playing all the hitz that we were used to. It has been such a long time since we've been clubbing. Almost a year since our last outing. So, for me...one of the nights highlights was that while on the dance floor....I got picked up by a cute girl. She looked at me.....smiled...came to me....and danced...all the while smiling at me.. and for the next 5 to 6 songs, we were dancing together. You should have seen the boys having a good time watching and all of them told me this....

"Dude....If you don't get her number....I'll kill you!"

Well... I did get her number but i wont be acting on it lar..cos she malay ler....I don't do malays. Sorry.....and besides I have another girl on my mind at the moment. Someone way cuter and nicer. It would have been an even greater night if i could have brought her along :P

On top of that...while on the dance floor...I bumped into Shyena, Joanna, Kristel and Jessica. WTF man....that was scary....Then about 10 minutes later...knocked into Kok Yew and Jeremy Gee. Wah lau...Talk about a really small world...did not expect to bump into all these people there.

Well...our night ended with us going for Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa in Kampung Baru at 230 in the morning.

Oh...and edric woke up the next day with a really bad hangover...hehehe.

Thursday Night
Theme: Nike Air Force 1 25th Anniversary Global Launch.
Venue: Bond Avenue K
Time: 8pm to 1030pm

Last night was a Nike event for the global launching of their 25th Anniversary Air Force 1 shoe.
So because Jen could not go cos of family commitment, edric went in his stead. Ahaha....and knowin Edric...He loves these types of events, he gets to meet a lot of ppl and gets to build contacts. But he also do not like going for these events alone..so he got me to go along too. Remember the girl i mentioned earlier??? Yap...I managed to persuade but in her words (forced) to come along. This was one of those times where i could bring a girl just for us to have fun and to enjoy the music and atmosphere...and not ot mention the drinks too lar. I wanted her to come along, as i really wanted to spend some time with her. And I can tell you this....I really enjoyed getting to know her. oohh yar...and i got a pic with her too.

Kristel came to as she woudl not pass up the chance to meet a local celeb by the name of Ashraf Sinclaire. Ahahaha.....the whole night, she was sitting with the girl and i waiting for him to appear. Lol...when he did...Edric brough her over to meet him, and when she did, he gave her the normal kiss on the cheek greeting lar. She was estatic......Even when we were goign home...she was still grinning and announcing to the world that Ashraf Sinclaire gave her 4 kisses on the cheek.

Lol....we ended the night with dropping Kristel at Laundry Bar in Curve, then Edric the girl and i ended up at Devi's Corner for a late dinner.

2007

2007-01-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

So much has happend since my last update. Christmas, New Year, Weddings, Birthdays and Exams.

Christmas
Well.....2006 Christmas was a not too bad of a celebration, was in penang to celebrate it with the parents. But last years celebration there was a twist to it...We did not have the normal christmas dinner at home, instead we went out to eat. The original plan was to cook wan, mum and dad was palnnign to make lamb, and edric and i to make the vodka creme pasta.

But that plan was thwarted by mum's fridge. Yap...their fridge. You see, mum and dad were in Japan and only came back on the 22nd. Now somewhere between a week to 10 days prior to their return, there was a power surge and it caused a power trip in their apartment. Seeing that there was no one to turn the power back on, all the food stuff in the fridge and freezer was allowed to defrost and rot. The end results were a dripping mass of rotten meats in the freezer infested with maggots.

When Edric and I arrived on the 23rd, the apartment still smelled of rotten meat, eventhough dad had already cleaned out the freezer and fridge. So there was no cooking in the apartment and we rarely ate in it too. By the time we left on the 29th, the outward smell was gone, but if you opened the fridge or freezer, the lingering smell of rotten meat was still in the air.

Well, we both came back to KL with a Logitech Webcam and a bottle of Polo Black cologne for me.

New Year
So, the initial plan to strt the new year celebrations was Romeo's wedding on the 30th, but the floods down south got the better of the wedding. Segamat was flooded and the restaurent where the dinner was suppose to be in was submerged in water. So that setteled it, we all stayed back in KL for the celebrations.

The get together was at my place, food, drinks and entertainment was the agenda for the night, and not forgetting the fireworks display of both 1 Utama and the Curve. It was a night of laughter, fun and we all watched Star Wars Episode 3, and talked.

2007
Exams
The year started for me with my exams hovering over the horizon. This was my first MBA examination and my first exam in over 4 years. The papers were Managing People (8th Jan) and Marketing (12th Jan). To say that the papers were difficult is an understatement. Its not that they were difficult to answer, its just that there was not enough time to properly answer the questions, to put down all the points i needed to put down. My only regret was that i could not write any faster.

Weddings and Birthdays
The month seems to be a good month for celebrations. On my calender i have 2 weddings and 3 birthdays. And another wedding on the 4th of Feb.

Weddings
13th Jan - Lim Lee Lian's Wedding, My ex college mate gets married. I've known this girl since my first year in HELP...which would make our friendship 10 years old.

27th Jan - Lynn Yap's Wedding. Lynn is Jen Min's older sister. This weddign is gonna be a real blast because of the involvement of all the boys in our group. We are going to be the grooms entourage for the dinner as the groom has no family here in Malaysia.

4th Feb - Romeo's Wedding. The original wedding that was suppose to be on the the 30th of Dec 2006 has been postponed to 4th Feb due tot he floods.

Birthdays
14th Jan - Daphne
16th Jan - Mine

Well..for Daph and I we both had our own individual dinners with our families and another one with each other last night together with her boy boy and my brother.

We each had our individual dinners with our respective families. Daph went to Souled Out with her family and her boy boy. While I had a barbeque party with all my friends, family and god family. Then yesterday, she decided to suprise me by pakatign with my brother for a special post birthday dinner for me. But i told her, its for the both of us. So she made her Spicy seafood pasta, and we cooked the lamb from the barbeque. then for dessert, she baked brownies and we had it with ice cream. Ahhh..it was yummy. AHhha....i love my lil sis.

19th Jan - Jocelyn. Another beautiful friends birthday. Another year has coem and gone., but somhow she still reamains the same.....as beautiful as ever. Happy Birthday my dear friend.

Well....thats an update for now. Goin for Mambo Night at Velvet this coming Wed for Nelson (Jen's new brother in law) bachelor's party. Well update on that too.

Cheers

Christmas '06 Part 2

2006-12-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

Just a sprinkle of reindeer dust,
A sprig of mistletoe,
And the sound of your laughter,
As you fly across the snow.

Don't you just love Christmas?
I sure do.... As you already know...Christmas holds a special place in my heart. It was this faithful and wonderful season all those years back that i met my beloved baby sis. Lil did i know at that time the impact she would have on my life. Not many people know, but i did have a younger sister. She died of leukiema when she was 18 months old. She would have been 25 years old this year. She would have been Edric's Jie Jie. Now Edric's got a mui instead.

You must be thinking, ok, coincidence... I lose a sister but gain another in Daphne. Well, She has a story of her own as well. As you know, Daphne is the oldest, but before her parents had her... her mum miscarried a baby boy who was suppose to be Daphne's older brother. Now here is the kinky part, her parents actually had a name for the boy..... He was to be called Owen.

Talk about a match make in heaven.... Daph is always saying....
"I lost a brother and now I have you....While you lost a sister and now you have me. "

You know what.... I agree with her. :P

I guess me saying "Hi" to her that year statrted a whole new thing with us.

Christmas is all about memories for me. Happy, sad, emotional, stressful. joyful...memories.

Sharing, Caring, Giving my Love,
Thats what Christmas means to me.

Christmas '06 Part 1

2006-12-05T00:28:00.000+08:00

Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Sigh.....Its the christmas season again,
I love this season, the decorations and the general feeling of happiness all around.
It sure brings back memories.

More on christmas a little later.

So like Fr.Mitchell said......Have a Blessed Christmas.

Penang Trip

2006-11-14T14:02:00.000+08:00

Our Penang Trip from the 10th to the 13 of November 2006.

The Group

The Boys

The Girls

Catchline of Day 1... 12 HotDogs, 2 Char Kuey Teow and a game of Bluff

More Pictures can be found at www.picasaweb.google.com/ewen.ho

MNG

2006-10-30T01:45:00.000+08:00

Its that time of the year again..... Another fashion show.... But this time I hear its gonna be big... Bigger than the last one. This time its gonna be at the KL Convention Center... Apperently the stage is twice the size of the last one, and the last one was huge.

Sis is invited for the show.... I am tempted to ask another person to come along......but if I do that, sis will not only disown me....but murder....kill.....maim..... smack....erm...what else ar?? Well, you get the idea.

Then the whole night will be kokoslut this...kokoslut that.

Hahaha....not worth the aggravation...... Lets see if i can manage to kacau any of the girls there or not.

Lol...wish me luck.... :P

Cryin

2006-10-08T17:45:00.000+08:00

Eversince Rockstar started again, I've been lisening to a lot of old school rock music. One of the songs was Cryin by Aerosmith. You know Aerosmith, their the same group that gave you "I Don't wanna miss a thing", "Pink", "Dude(Looks like a lady)". Yar...that group. Well, I was listening to this song for quite a while, and the words never really made sense to me until recently. This is how the song goes:

There was a time
When I was brokehearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned - yeah
'Cause me and them ways have parted
That kinda love was the killin' kind

All I want is someone I can't resist
I know - all I - need to know
By the way I got kissed

I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm tryin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down on me

Now there's not even breathing room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same

It's down on me
Yeah, I got to tell you something
It's been on my mind, girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you do to me takes my breath away

Now the word out on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
That's a fire I can't resist

I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do to me

'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Til you give your heart away

I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do, what you do down on me
Baby, baby, baby

I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was Cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down to, down to, down to

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery

The irony of the song was that i was happily singing the song without knowing what i was singing, and how it related to me, and Storm Large sang this song on Rockstar during that month. It never occured to me at that time, but its weird how these songs help me along the way. I guess my love of music is a good thing then.

Ok....on to other matters, I learnt a new word yesterday, Sis taught it to me.... What do you call a girl whom steals older brothers?? A KokoSlut. Yar....I'm betting your going...What the fuck!! Yar...i said the same thing too,when she told me that. Lol......My lil is super protective of me. She really scared that some girl will steal her koko away from her. I really love that lil sis of mine.

Malacca

2006-09-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

Well....its official...I'm a postgraduate Student at Nottingham University Malaysia Campus doing my MBA in General Management. Got my Student ID and all.....Classes start this week, with my first class tmrw from 630pm to 930pm at Nottingham's City Teaching Centre located in Conlay Tower on Jalan Conlay. Yar, I know its quite a drive especially at that hour but its ok lar.

Now all I have to do is to get back into the swing of studying again.

Updates on my last few days.....I just came back from Malacca...was over there for the weekend. It was actually planned to be just an overnight stay....but both Edric and Jen was like convincing me to stay longer....so i did.....3 nights longer in fact. What is there to complain, I had a queen sized bed all to myself. It was a good thing that i packed extra clothes just in case.

It was an interesting trip down there...first time driving down by myself. Lol, could barely remember the streets there, but i managed to find my way around lar. Edric and Jen was there for the set up and opening of their Performance outlet in Dataran Pahlawan. It was interesign to see how to set up a store....cos I know I would be doing that same thing when Golf opens. Well... it was a good opportunity to be there to observe, learn and to help a bit in the set up.

I getting worried abt myself.....I havent communicated with her in just well over a week. No sms, no calls, no Im.....Nothing. The thing I'm worried about is that, I dont feel shit. Nothing what so ever.....I know i still like this girl....so this should nto be happening.....weird...its like I dont care anymore...

Losing my religion

2006-09-20T19:03:00.000+08:00

Thats me in the corner
Thats me in the spotlight
Losing my Religion
Trying to keep up with you
And i dont know if i can do it
Oh no I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that i heard you sing
I think I though I saw you try

Ange

2006-09-05T14:21:00.000+08:00

I just found out why Ange has been acting weird these past few weeks.....She asked me an interesting question yesterday and i was suprised by the question.... It seems that she thought that i was only using her to keep my mind off a certain someone. When she asked me that i was like.....WTF???

Thats why she has been acting the way she has...I took a while to convince her that that was not the case.... and how things between me and her dated way back before the Aug 8 fiasco.

She had thought that she was being a sort of a third wheel.....a rebound girl so to speak.

Wow.......no wonder she's been acting differently lar....

Well...I had nothing to worry abt cos at the end of the day, the truth of the matter is this......
I do like her a lot. and i made it clear to her that she is the one i like.

*peace*

Losign my religion

2006-09-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Thats me in the corner,
Thats me in the spotlight,
I'm losing my religion,
Tryin to keep up with you.

Thats how i feel some of the time....I'm just doing things to keep afloat.....to keep my mind off things...Its been so long since i said anything to her....Today i did....I smsed her a good morning, and wished her peace later during the mass.

She still has that slight hold on me........I'm trying to keep my mind off her...Not an easy thing to do considering my past history with her.....

I still miss the littlest thing like smsing, calling and even IM-ing her.

She still occupies my idle mind.... There is a saying "An Idle mind is the Devil's Playground"

Mine is "My Idle mind is the Devil's Playground.....Better His playground than hers"

Today was the first after a logn while where i actually acknowledge her presence, but i still could not bring myself to speak to her......not yet. I dunno lar, difficult lar to do that now...Still hard to so.

Given time... I hope to be able to do so.

*peace*

12 Days

2006-08-20T13:08:00.000+08:00

This has been the longest 12 days of my life.

I have never gone this long without smsing...calling or messaging her online.....

Things like this is never easy to do......I want to do all that....but it still hurts just thinking about it.

I just cant bring myself to contact or see her at the moment....Even when i see her at church too, i find it so hard to even say hi to her....I just cant bring myself to do it just yet....

If you are wondering....No...I do not hate her.....I can never hate her... For the life of me, eventhought it hurts so much, I cant bring myself to hate her.....

All I ever did was love her......and that was my down fall.

Venting

2006-08-08T21:57:00.000+08:00

The last time i wrote an entry like this was in 2004.

At that time, to me....the world had ended, cos she said no, and i did not do anythign about it.

It is 2006, and again i see myself at that same door, but this time...i have no regrets cos i did everything i wanted to do. 4 weeks ago, i told her i loved her. At first i thought....whats the worst that could happen? She already said no to me once. Well....i was wrong....she said it again.

Am i sad???.....of course i am, how can i not be? The girl i am in love with said no to me again. Can i blame her...... I am a bit stubborn and i did not want to give up on her. She told me i deserve better, but why cant the better be her???

But tonight was a real shocker. She gave me some interesting news....and she did it throught sms.

And i have this to say:

To say, I'm dissapointed is barely scratching the surface of what i am feeling right now. You promised to go out with me tonight. The reason you gave me....is acceptable, but the other half of the sms??? It happened one week ago...and you yet still said yes to me when i confirmed us going out tonight.

But thats not what i am sore about. The thing that i am most upset about was that, you did not see fit to tell me in person or at least over the phone why. You smsed me?!?!?! Whatthe fuck man??? Our friendship meant that lil to you is it until you could not bring yourself to tell me this properly. I really thought that we could tell each other anything.....I guess i was wrong...about you and about our friendship. I guess it meant more to me that to you ro not you would have not done it this way.

I was not lying when i wrote in your testimonial. I meant every word of it. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Getting to know you these past 2 plus years have been the best. Going out and spending all those times with you were the best moments ever. I loved seeing you, talking to you, i loved everything about you.

Sigh.....I wish you could have given me a chance....but above all, i hoped that you could have told me tha properly instead of just smsing it to me. You owe me that much....and that much you could not give.

The next step

2006-08-08T17:17:00.000+08:00

Its has been about 4 weeks since told her how i felt. We have been talking a lot over msn....but very seldom over the phone.....I wanna change that. I wanna spend more time with her..to get to know...she did say...we dont talk as often anymore.

I'm taking her out tonight for ice cream..... Time for me to spend some quality alone time with her.

YES

2006-07-29T16:11:00.000+08:00

Was i the fool to believe that things would not change between us?

Was i a fool to hope that things would turn out for the best?

Can you blame me for wanting whats in my heart?

I do not regret telling her how i felt.....not one bit.

The only thing now is to keep believing that in the end, it will all work out.

If you ask me now......Would I risk everything for her? Is she really worth the time, the effort, the heartache???? Then i would tell you my friend, that you do not know me...cos if you did, you would already know the answer to that question.....cos the answer will always be a YES!! A million times Yes.

I'd be damn if i did not do my best, cos i know that if i did do my best and it did not work, then i'd know it was not meant to be. Until that time comes...I would make it work, cos i know, in my heart......She is worth everything.

Committed

2006-07-26T18:20:00.000+08:00

Well......now that i have committed myself down this path. I hope that this was a wise decision to make. I have risked a lot by telling her that but it was something i had to do. The last time I gave up without much of a fight. But this time, i'm fighting for what i want....and what i want is her.

I just hope that she will give me that one chance.

One Chance.

" It is better to have loved and loss.....than to have never loved at all"

Attutude

2006-07-23T13:44:00.000+08:00

Geez...whats with the attitude this morning???? If you din want to say hi or hello...its fine, no skin off my nose.

But when i say hi...i expect at least a hi or a hello...bon't bloody brush me off....

No...i'm not pissed or anything....just bewildered thats all.

Smiles

2006-07-15T01:38:00.000+08:00

I've got a movie date on a Sat nite.....wow....haven't had that in a long while...

I'm actually very nervous....eventhough i've been out with this girl before, but when ever i ask her out..its always "Let's go for a movie" or " Long time adi lar i have't been out with you, lets do lunch." That sort of going out, but this time i actually asked,

"I wanna ask you out on a movie date this Sat Nite." and she said......YES.....I was expecting a dunno, see first, maybe.....but no.....she said OK......

I'm a happy boy....

Dear

2006-07-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

OOohhh.....man.....talk abt being nervous and anxious as hell. Today's the day I meet up with some one whom i have not talked to or kept in contact with in almost a year and a half.

I have never been like this before.... not even the time when i took all 3 of them out for my 25th birthday 2 years ago. To tell you the truth....i was really anxious on how this lunch "date" would turn out.......I was prayin really hard it would go well, and u know what...It did. It turned out really well.

Thanks for a beautiful lunch.

Happy

2006-07-05T18:47:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...i had all but forgotten what "Happy" smelled like, until today. She still has it and was using it today. The smell was intoxicating.

I gave it to her abt 2 years ago for her birthday cos at that time she was kinda gaga over it. That was the first time i had ever gotten a girl some perfume before. That was 2 years ago and i had thought that she would have finished it by now, but no...she still has it.

This week so far has been one hell of a great week......Coffee with my darling lil sis on sat, Lunch and movie with Jocey today, Lunch with Jolene tomorrow....."happy sigh"....this has the making of a beautiful week.

Life Lessons

2006-06-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

I just had a very interesting conversation about life lessons. Lessons that not only change our thinking but our lives as well.....life altering events.

And well, we have come to realise that no matter how bleak our lives seem to be....everything can be dealt with...and no amount of running away will change it.

If you are brave enough to do it.....you must be brave enough to accept the consequences.

A true test of a person is not measures by what their actions are but by how they accept the consequences of their action.

I am for one glad that we are not the kind of guys to run away from things.

No matter how bad things seem.....you can work things out.......

Love life....

I see

2006-06-13T15:33:00.000+08:00

When i started to like her, a lot of people told me not to. They said that she is not worth my time and effort. At first i thought they were wrong, but now I'm thinking, I was the one that was wrong.

At first I thought, ahh...what the hell rite? I can go after who ever i like.

But now, dammit man, i'm begining to see some truth in what they said.

I hate it when they are right.

something is wrong

2006-06-04T14:09:00.000+08:00

Gee....the last sms conversation i had with her last friday has changed something in me. I do not know why, but i'm begining to lose interest in her already. It's like, everytime i feel like i'm getting to know her better, she does somethign so bizzare that it makes me wonder, if i truly want to know her. Something is wrong somewhere, and i'm not sure what to do.

Again

2006-05-30T05:00:00.000+08:00

Wow...It is 430 in the morning, and I just finished another 4 hour conversation with Angie....this is the second time we have talked till the wee hours of the morning, and i enjoyed it....a lot.

Anniversary

2006-05-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

Happy Anniversary My Darling Baby Sister.... Eliene Ho

Family Holiday

2006-05-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

Hahaha...Phuket trip updates.....

So...this trip was to be our yearly trip as a family lar..our last trip was to Bali, and that was abt 4 years ago, so it was high time for a family holiday.

The journey began with Edric and i going up to Penang on Thursday cos we were gonna be driving up to Phuket. So, the main journey only began on Friday.

Friday
Left dad's office at 12 noon and traveled up to Bukit Kayu Hitam, border town between Thailand and Malaysia. Took us abt 2 hours to make the journey up there. Getting by Immigration and Customs were pretty simple enough, din even have to get out of the car to get our passports stamped. Then from there we began our 560 km journey to Phuket. Mind you, under normal circumstances a 560 km journey would normally take abt 5 hours plus if you are travelling at 110 kph, but in Thailand, although their roads are well made, it is still not like malaysian highways. Their roads are like an upgrades of our trunk roads, without the portholes and cracks. So averagely our speed was around 80 kph only. On certain streches, it is only a one lane road, making overtaking a must when stuckbehind some slow lorry or truck. Now, Thai drivers are mad motherfuckers with more balls than brains. They overtake like mad men, and they dun give a shit about on-coming traffic. So you can imagine how it was driving with those ppl. We managed to arrive at Novotel Phuket on Patong Beach at 9pm local time (10pm malaysian). Was too tired to do anything but sleep.

Novotel Phuket

This was edric's and my room

This is mum and dad's deluxe suite room......

Saturday
Woke up at 9am local time and had the normal buffet style breakfast, I had my usual eggs, sausages, bacon, and scones....the only thing missing was the baked beans. Now, the best part abt having the Continental style breakfast in a foreign country is that the they use proper bacon....none of that beef knock off shit. Pure unadulterated pork bacon...ahhhh...it was marvelous.
Edric was not feeling well, cos we had a late dinner the night before, and his gastric acted up...even to the next morning. After breakfast, he retreated back to the room to sleep it off, while mum and dad was in their room reading. The reason being is that it was bloody raining...meaning i cant walk the Patong Beach....no sun...meaning i cant go sun bathing, the hotel sap was fully booked for the day...so no massage, the hotel internet room was being used for the next couple of hours...so no internet...Man..i was bored out of my mind. I had to get out, i had to go somewhere...do something. I told my parents..i needed to go out and to see the town and maybe go get my thai massage or something.
Took a tuk tuk down to patong beach, told the driver i wanted a massage....He asked "Thai or body massage?" At first i was like....Thai or body??? then i thought....is the body massage the one i heard abt??? Yar it was.....the body massage was the more sensual, erotic massage type..Now Thai is famous for 2 things, cheap knock off branded goods and prostitution, any forms of prostitution. The body massage was one of it. So i went in to take a "look see".. It was a clean and slightly poshy place. The "boss" of the place came to me and asked, if i wanted a body massage...So first thing first...how much??? 3 price range he said. 1800 baht, 2500 baht and 2800 baht. (RM180,250 and 280). I was like, whats the difference? oohh...the more expensive, the younger and prettier the girl. So you can imagine how the girl from the 1800 baht looks like....oucha....Anyways....i was really tempted..i had the cash....but...at 2800 baht??? a bit too rich for my blood....so i settled for a spa thai massage for only 400 baht :)
Later that night we went for mass then went for a show at Simon Cabaret. They have a website, its at www.phuket-simoncabaret.com, So this show is like a ones done in Las Vegas, the colorful costumes, the beautiful dancers, the great acts.....but with one huge difference, the one in Las Vegas, its done by girls, the one in Phuket, they are guys, well transvestites to be exect, but they are guys...thats just wrong.....Edric and i were like....god dammit...they dont look like guys, they cant be guys, they look too feminine to be guys...they look good to be guys. Edric was like...ko ar..if we were drunk, and in a club...we would so hit on that. Its wrong..... so wrong..

The Best looking dancer from the show.

After that we went back to the hotel for dinner, then Edric and i went out to walk Patong Beach, to see the shops and just take in the sights. Its hard to believe that in abt a year after the tsunami, they all have restored almost all the shops. Walking around, we came upon a pub called Rock City, and there was a band playing old school rock music. It was amazing. It was the typical rock concert style playing,Edric and i were the only 2 chinamen in the place. we left the place at 1 am.

Patong Beach

Sunday
As usual....breakfast, then we hit the pool. The sun was shining, the morning was beautiful, happy, happy day. We were out in the sun from 11 to 1pm. Ahaha....we were the only 2 chinamen out in the sun at that time, and man after that did we get burnt. After lunch, we went shopping around phuket town and at karon beach with my uncle who happen to be the GM of the hotel we were staying at. Mum wanted to buy some shoes and bags...edric and i wanted out Polo T's and other nick nacks. Oohh...we did find our Polo T's...We got them for 200 baht each. We spent abt 3000 baht on Polo T's and shirts.....Orange, pink, white, black....ahh...all the nice colors.
We ended the day with dinner at the hotel and then drinks at the lounge area.

Cheekie lil fellow ain't he?

Monday
Breakfast as usual, then booked a spa massage with the hotel spa..We all took the aromatherapy massage and foot reflexology. Edric and i went in after swimming in the pool....we din realise that we had to strip for the massage...so basically the only thing we had on was a towel. So...the massage started with our backs, upper and lower....and a bit of the butt area.....OMG..i got my ass gropped....It was a really oily massage cos they had to use the aromatherapy oil mar., but it was enjoyable. Spent the rest of the day in the pool and then dinner. This time around, had a special dinner, the head chef of the hotel cooked for us his speciality...coffee chicken. it was heavenly, who would have thought that you could cook chicken that way....yummy...
After dinner, Edric and i needed to go to patong beach again, cos we wanted to get some t-shirts and of course something for my girls. I found the pashmina shawls for the 3 of them. A purple one for Angie, a redish one for Daphne and a red green mix for Jocey. Ohh...the t-shirts we got were the kinky ones.....I got the Starfucks T, and Edric got the Adihash T. It was the bomb, but i dun think i will be wearing it to church anytime soon lar.
Now...the highlight of the night was going to Soy Bang La...which is a very popular street with the tourist. It is the main street where all the pubs and bars are. So as Edric and i were walking along the street, there were a lot of touts trying ot get us to go their bars and pubs...offering attractive offers on beers and other drinks. You can tell which bars has the best drinks an girls by lookign at the amount of ppl in it, and i say girls because they are girls....The questionable ones are walking along the street. Ahahah...and thats when Edric got harassed by one of them. She or should i say It, came on to Edric and started going, "Come, i promise you good time, cheap beer, only 60 baht, come...come" and "it" kept pulling Edric's hand. He kept walking and it just tried to pull him back..After a while of going no, no,no, it let up... and the two of us just continued walking. The Edric was like, "Ko, the next time one of them comes to me again, I'm gonna hold your hand nad say i'm gay". Ahahaha....that was the highlight of the night. Edric getting harassed by a bapok, and a ugly one at that.

Novotel Pool (the Pool area is a 3 tier pool and this is the top)

Tuesday
We left Phuket ar 10am local time...and arrived in Penang island at 10pm. It was a long .....long journey, but it was well worth it. Same thing...Mad Thai drivers, mad truck drivers....

Wednesday
Took the 10am bus back to kl........sigh...back to normal life again.

Phuket

2006-05-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

Coming all the way from Phuket.......

Phew.....we make it here after an almost 10 hours journey from Penang....
Dad thought to drive up here...cos it was much cheaper than paying a whooping RM2500 to fly the 4 of us up here....So as u would figure....Thailand does not have the highways like in Malaysia.....their main roads are the equivalent to our trunk roads.

Neways.....Just to let u know we are all fine and good...will be returning to KL on Wed..
So see you then....

Oh...P/s...I din take my phone cos no roaming.....

2006-04-30T13:46:00.000+08:00

Some Pics taken at Seong and Tasha's wedding last night.....as usual .....its me and a few girls..hehehe....My Dear Sarin.....someone whom i have known for years. She is older than me and yet she still looks so beautiful.....and she is married....sob...hehehe......Ya know....this was the first time i've seen her in a few years.....something like 5 to 7 years....but i'm glad to have been able to see her again after so long.

No photo entry would be complete without my Jocey..hehehe

Hmm...........Cute pic with a really cute girl......

Woohoo......I finally got my picture taken with her........My Beautiful darling baby sis.

Could not resist taking those picts with the girls.......well...i do have a special connection with all of them......You know......all the girls look amazing in the pictures......but i look horrible....thats what happens when you do not get enough sleep.

Was helping Esmond on friday night to decorate the dinner hall for the wedding dinner. There was about 8 of us that night to help put up the cloths on the wall and to stick the fishes on it. The theme for the dinner was under the sea, so we put up cut-outs of fishes, starfish, seahorses, clams, and shells. Anyways, we only manged to put up the bulk of the deco on fri nite and we din finish till 330am. Mind you, I had to be in church by 9am for warm up and to get in some choir practice for the wedding itself. 4 hours....but it was worth it...the work and all, it was fun....It was the good old days of doing deco again with the old gang once again.

Well..the dinner was fun...met a lot of the older generation of youth...hehehe......a lot of perfromances...and a lot of laughing. The night ended as usual with the youth all dominating the dance floor, in our normal fashion.

It was a fun night and for me.....taking all those pics with then was the best part of the night.

MNG 2006

2006-04-23T02:20:00.000+08:00

Last Fri was the MNG 2006 Spring Fashion Show.....

Woohoo.....said Hi to the beautiful Carmen soo......

Took a picture with Amber Chia

And met with a very renouned person in the fashion industry Gillian Hung.

It was a really good nite....

hehehehe

P/S some of the pics posted in my friendster page

Easter

2006-04-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

Happy Easter everyone.....

Easter was not too bad this year....Spent it with my parents in Penang. Edric and i drove up after Monty Thursday mass at around 12.30 and arrived there at 5am...We had to make a lot of pit-stops cos my engine kept overheating, it turn out that my radiator was clogged with a lot of rust and sediments and we were lucky to not have it blow up during our journey.

We spent a lot of time at their new apartment. It is quite cosy and just the right size for mum and dad. Friday was the usual...Good Friday mass which started at 3pm mind u...It was amazingly hot.
Mass ended at around 430pm. It was too early to have dinner as we had been fasting the whole day so we all went to Sam's Batik House cos edric wanted to go get his raw silk pants. Which we did, and i too got one....a brown one....See lar..i might just wear it to church one weekend. So we all did a bit of shopping there. I got the raw silk pants and a black linen shirt.

We din go for easter virgil mass cos mum and dad both were on duty for easter sunday mass instead. Now this time around, i din sms anybody at midnight to wish them a happy easter, but this year i received it instead....2 sms to be exect. The first one was the real shocker....I mean, i expected it to come from lil sis or maybe jocey but no.......it was Jolene that smsed me....I was shocked...i went blank when i received. She was the last person i ever thought that would sms me. I mean...she had been so quite for so long that i had almost given up on getting a response from her. Talk about a real shocker.

Sunday was spent pretty much the same......Mass in the morning, Lunch, did a bit of shopping in Gurney in the fternoon....Celebrated mum's birthday with a dinner cooked by my dad....and then Edric and i drove home. We left mum and dad's place at 10pm and arrived at here at 2am. Yah, 4 hours...pretty normal, buts thats the timing from toll to toll not house to house. total time spent on the highway....3 hours. Not bad considering i was going an average of 120kph.....in a KANCIL.......hehehe....madness..i know...

Ohhh....well...the MNG fashion show is still on this friday but the venu has been changed. It is now gonna being held at Sheraton Imperial. It should be fun...if i can get a date for the event lar.
Hmmm........i have asked 2 ppl but so far...no response from either of them.......

So...wish me luck.....

2006-04-10T14:50:00.000+08:00

Dream Journal dated 9th April 2006

Location: Around Taman Tun (I think cos i was in the back seat of the car)
Time: Daytime
Date: Dunno

The dream began this way......(I'm in the back seat behind the driver)

Ok.....Now step on the clutch and put it into 3rd gear and slowley release the clutch and press the accelerator..... Thats it...good.....See...easy rite.....

The next thing i remember is reaching my right hand foward to her right and then we hold hands.....and it feels good.....

Ok now here comes the weird part....i do not remember her face but i have the distinct feeling that is is one of the 2 girls....and the best part is that both also havent gotten their lisense yet.

Geez man..........what a weird dream...and after spendign a bit of time with her yesterday sumore....but for the life of me, i could not tell who she was...the only thing i remember was the scent of her perfume.....

Fashion Comes again

2006-03-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

Wow.....Its fashion show time again.....

Show: MNG Fashions
Date: 21 April 2006 (confirmed)
Place: Sunway Hotel

Hehehe......had lots of fun at last years show....Lets hope that this years show will be a blast as well... Last year i did not bring anyone along, but this year i do not know who to call.....

Any ideas???

2006-03-24T22:53:00.000+08:00

Remember, remember, the fifth of November,

The gunpowder treason and plot.

I know of no reason why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,

'Twas his intent

To blow up the King and the Parliament.

Poor old England to overthrow.

By God's providence he was catch’d

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Hip hip hoorah!

Hip hip hoorah!

A penny loaf to feed ol' Pope,

A farthing cheese to choke him.

A pint of beer to rinse it down,

A faggot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar,

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head,

Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.

Hip hip hoorah!

Watched V for Vendetta last night....Good movie, good lines. This is one movie that requires a lot of attention especially during the dialogues as thats where the story is...the action sequence is the fillers of the movie.... Good Show....one that i would recommend to all to go watch..

On the rest of week, Monday was a ok day.....din do much, but as how i am the day before any lunch appointment with Jocey..i was anxious as hell abt it....Its always the same, i still get nervous whenever i go out with her. Hahaha...

Anyways on Tuesday,we went to Dome at BSC and we talked. It has been such a long time sinced we last went out. I think it was like more than 6 months since our last outing.... Too long if you ask me....way too long...It was nice to finally able to catch up with her after so long :) i'm glad she said yes to the outing. Later that night Edric and I decided to change our diet a bit and embarked on a grastronomical experience.....an ice cream dinner at Swensons....We had the famous Swenson's Earthquake.......4 large scoops of ice cream each. Sigh...it was heavenly...
But..but..that was still not the highlight of that day, My highlight of the day was a simple sms i received at 515pm that read-

"Thanks ewen. So sorry about last night, was half asleep. Neways i guess i'll talk to you online or something. Take Care"

Yup.....She replied my msg..... :) the best part of the week was that message.

*Smiles*

Mclaren Mercedes

2006-03-19T14:40:00.001+08:00

2006-03-19T14:40:00.000+08:00

The Season is here..........Formula 1 season begins again...and today is Race Day .... The Malaysian Grand Prix and it starts in 5 minutes......

Hehehe....Go Kimi... Go Juan Pablo..... Go Silver Arrows.......

Its a good day today....

Oh and on another note........been talking a lot with angeline lately.....kinky stuff.....our last conversation lasted 4 hours till 430 am.....the last time i did that was with Daphne 2 years ago when i was in Sg Petani.........

Fuck man.......Kimi is out....and on the first lap sumore.....mahai.......He's rear suspension broke cos he got clipped by another car while turning into Turn 4 on Lap 1. Sigh...This is begining to look like a repeat of last years race.....

2006-03-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

As the tears go by (Rolling Stones)

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Smiling faces I can see
But not for me
I sit and watch
As tears go by

My riches can’t buy everything
I want to hear the children sing
All I hear is the sound
Of rain falling on the ground
I sit and watch
As tears go by

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doin’ things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch
As tears go by

I heard this song on the show Rockstar:INXS and i blew me away...the song is so nice, so i wanna share it with you...

Coffee

2006-03-12T20:16:00.000+08:00

Coffee is a great beverage when taken in moderation......

But never take more than 5 shots of espresso in one sitting. Thats what i did today at 3pm and its 8 pm now and i'm still feeling the effects of the caffeine intake. Shit man.....the nervous hand twitching and the light headedness....Same effects as alcohol. Oohhh....man...

Saw her today wearing pink.....I had forgotten how good she looks in pink.

Another wedding

2006-02-26T20:19:00.000+08:00

God...attended another wedding yesterday. The girl who got married is the Brand Manager for Naf Naf. I got invited cos one of the Directors could not make the wedding dinner, plus Edric was the MC for the night as well. I was seated at the VIP table togather with Jen, his parents (Mr and Mrs Yap), His uncle and aunty (Datuk and Datin) and the rest of the board of directors, Dr.Yong and Pronob, and also the Financial controller for the company... Geez...talk about sitting with the heavy hitters....Also, this was the first time attending a dinner where the food was served to us on individualised plates. We din have to serve ourselves. Talk about VIP service.....I bet all the peoples aroud were wondering who were the 2 kuchi mai's sitting at the VIP table.

All in all it was a fun night......Jen's sis is getting married at the end of this year......and so is Romeo and Kelly as well.......Hahaha....man....you would not believe the things we want to do for their wedding man....the nonsense we are planing.....its gonna be a real interesting year end celebration.

On another subject, She replied the birthday wish....... *smiles*

MBA

2006-02-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

Wow.....Its not easy choosing a University when it comes to your MBA.....No point choosing one that is not recognised......So these are my choice of Unis for my MBA that have been accredited by the Association of MBA or AMBA for short.

1: University of Nottingham (Malaysia Campus)
2: University of Strathclyde Business School
3: Maastricht School of Managemement

So these are my top choices. The cost is around 40 to 45k for the 2 year course. Most of the classes will be conducted during the weekends....So there goes my weekends of going out. Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining or anything..I knew what i will be getting myself in when i wanted to do my MBA......Work a job during the days and study during the nights. This is what my life will be like at least for the next 2 years. I hope that i will have enough time for everything else, i really do....but well, we can't always have what we want...can we??

Life has been interesting these past few weeks.... My relationship with a few people have changed.......and it has been for the better.....

I love my life at the moment....although i do not have a love....Just havent found the right one thats all...... :)

OOhhhhh yar......Today's her birthday....... I smsed her a birthday wish...right at 12.07am.......
Sigh.......i still cannot bring myself to forget her.....sigh.....

Resigned

2006-02-03T01:37:00.000+08:00

I resigned from my job today.......

Do i know what i am doing?? I hope so....

What are my plans now??? Probally continue with my plans for an MBA

Plans for the next 2 years?? Full time job and part time study..... Basically...having no life what so ever.

2006-01-14T22:07:00.000+08:00

Wee.....Its Birthday time again

Happy Birthday baby girl.........My lil sis turned 18 today...its hard to believe that i have known her for 2 years already...its been a great 2 years......I love my lil sis....

Jocey turns 17 this 19th of Jan as well.....another girl i've known for 2 years too..... :)

Ooh...yar.....and i turn 27 this year......For this year, I'm making my own own birthday cake....A frozen cheese cake.....First time i'm making it alone...the last time i helped mum make it.....and u know what??? It's a success....It taste exectly the same...hehehehe....except that the layer of cheese is too thin and the layer of cookie is too thick.....hehehe...now i know, the next cake i make, i'll have to cut down on the cookies and add more of the cheese and whipped cream......

A lot of people had been asking me...Why make your own??? hehehe...Why not???
I mean....its not like i can buy this cake ya know...Its a one of a kind cake..hehehehe.....of course lar...made by me mar.......hehehehe

Neways....Happy Birthday to all of us........
cheers

The begining of a new era

2006-01-08T22:03:00.000+08:00

Andrea's wedding was yesterday.... The ceremony was beautiful, she was beautiful.....Ian is a damn lucky guy. The dinner was at Sheraton Subang's Ballroom. Before the dinner, Dad, Edric and I were debating if we should wear our jackets or not....Whoa...luckly we did......

It was a grand affair....almost all of us wore jackets.....everyone looked so smart...and the girls looked amazing in their dresses....

It was like a gathering of the old and new Kristus Aman Youths.....wait...let me explain...Ian came from a time in KAYM history when i was one of the new members that just joined the YM's caroling group. HE was from that batch of youths......Andrea was from my batch....so can u imagine...his friends from church....and then her batch....It was an amazing sight...To see the old and new mix....

The dinner was ok.....but the entertainment was the highlight of the evening...The Quah Sibilings sang a song for their beloved sister, their cousins came and did a song as well, Melody played an amazign piece on the baby grand, but the most amazing was the show done by our very own Micheal Jackson, Jeffery Thompson.....His moves are still as amazing as all those years ago when he first started to dance.....

The night ended with all of us dancing on the dance floor.........It was an amazing event...

Congratulations my dear sweet friend...

New Year.....New Challenges

2006-01-04T22:08:00.000+08:00

Its only the 4 of January and already so many things has happened....

Attended a Chinese wedding in Malacca of a family friend.

Attended a Bachelors party for the Groom to be....whoo hoo..it came complete with strippers too....never thought that could be done here...but apperently it can...

Started communicating with her again.....if you can call 2 smses and 2 emails communicating lar.
Are we friends?? She says we are, but i know it will be a very long time before we start talking again like normal.

Andrea's getting married....Ya know, its hard to forget your first love.....I fell in love with her at the tender age of 14..I only asked her out a on a date a year later....Did i tell her i loved her??? No i didn't...Why didn't i??? Scared maybe??? Yar i think so..Did she know i liked her??? Yar i think so......Sigh....I had my chance and i blew it...after her, i promised that i would never make that same mistake again....If i ever fell in love agin..i would tell the girl...hmmm, i guess i did tell her...*smiles*....lol.you all know who i mean...*sneaky smile*

Whoo hoo...what a way to start the new year...

Christmas Entree Finale

2005-12-28T22:20:00.000+08:00

Christmas has come gone and the new year is fast approaching.

Christmas will always the one season that means the most to me.... Sigh...the memories....

I smsed her... and her reply was "Merry Christmas silly :) Wish your family for me"
According to Jocey...this is a positive note...but we will see lar.

This christmas, Lil sis and i got much closer...Our relationship has moved to another level. I really love that girl to bits...She means the world to me...and she knows it. The cute part is that she can actually get jealous of me talking ot other girls like Nicole and others...hehehe...she was scared that they would steal her Koko away from her...hehehe....She is so adorable.

Goodbye Christmas 2005

Hello New Year 2006

Christmas Entree part 2

2005-12-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

I hear people,
Wishing each other,
A Merry Christmas to You....

I'm almost done with my christmas shopping, only 2 more people to go and i for the life of me, i do not know what to get for them. Last year it was a Skinny Elephant finger puppet, and bracelet. This year i dunno wor......

I spent almost 3 hundred ringgit on Mum, Dad, Edric, Lil Sis and Nicole and Bak Pau...Haven't got anything for Jocey and Angeline yet...Still figuring out what to get for them.

I got a haircut yesterday...the damm barber screwed up on my goatee...it was getting a bit long so i told him to trim it using level 2 on the shaver...the stupid idiot shaved the whole thing off...I look so damn weird without it...I feel Neked....I hope it grows back in time for christmas...I wanna look my best for Christmas....After so long..we are finally celebrating christmas here in KA....I'm so glad we can. Its been such a long time. I get to be with the people i care for during this amazing season.

Just a sprinkle of Reindeer dust, a sprig of mistletoe,
And the sound of your laughter, as you fly above the snow.

Christmas Entree Part 1

2005-12-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

Christmas..Christmas time is near,
Time for toys and time for cheers...

Tis the season to be jolly,
Fa la la la la la la la....

Said the night wind to the little lamb,
Do you see what i see?

Chestnuts rosting on an open fire,
Jackfrost nipping at your nose...

Sigh...Its christmas time again....Has it been a year already? Has it been that fast since everything that has happened? Sigh.....I love christmas. I love the christmas spirit. I love the sights and the sounds of christmas. I know that this the commercial side of christmas, but i can't but help falling in love with it. I love everything about it. My favorite thign about christmas is the carols, it has been the highlight of my year, every year since i was 12. Sigh..last year was my last year caroling. I have been caroling for the past 13 years. It has been a good 13 years. To those who know me, I love to sing, and christmas is the time where i can sing to my hearts content. But this year, its time for the younger ones to take the stage and for me to bow out. I will miss it, but i'll do my part in other ways.

The Lord my saviour was born during the season of happiness.

Thinking of the past years here, i've come to realise that christmas holds the most dearest and bests memories ever. It was during this season that i met all of them....sorry lar..feeling a bit sentimental at the moment. Just thinking of how i met and fell head over heels over them.
I miss that.

You'll be doing alright with your christmas of white,
But i'll have a blue, blue christmas.

Celebrations Galore

2005-11-20T17:06:00.000+08:00

Weddings...Birthdays....Celebrations....Damn, this has been one hell of a month. So many people celebrating some special occasion.

2 wedding dinners, 4 birthdays and many dinners and get togethers.

Happy Birthday to my Aunty - (60th Birthday). , Bro (ahaha..2 more years before you are of legal age to go clubbing - 19 years), Audrey(officially a youth - 13 years), and last but not least Nicole(Sweet 16) . May the Lord grant you all your wishes on your special days.

With many happy occasions this month, that it is hard to forget that i got conned out of my phone..

Have fun my dear ones...

Fuck

2005-11-10T00:30:00.000+08:00

I got conned out of my phone today....

If i ever see the motherfucker on the road.....he better pray i'm not driving....

This is the story.......got a call throught the office phone from a Steven, asking on the the SCB Credit Cards....and how his boss wanted to apply.....So i said ok...He set the timing at 5pm at Legend Hotel, KL. Arrived there and met the guy in Monkey Bar....The bastard was smartly dressed sumore....The meeting was suppose to be between me, him and his wife....however..when we got to the bar....his wife called my phone asking if Steven was there.....so I passed my phone over to him...and then he was telling his so called wife that his phone batt was dead, thats why she could not get through.....after that he was giving her direction on how to get to the hotel from Sg. Besi......but as the bar music was loud...the stepped out to hear better lor.............That was the last time i saw my phone.....

BEWARE....Latest scam tactic.......

I feel so crippeled......so lost........and it hurts...the heartache.....my 2 month old phone....gone.... fuck man...all my messages.....all the new numbers.....all the pictures....everything...GONE......

Sigh......I so fucking hate this........

Even Now

2005-10-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

Even Now - Barry Manilow

Even now when there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me
Even now I think about you as I'm climbin' up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see

That even now when I know it wasn't right
And I've found a better life than what we had
Even now I wake up cryin' in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are, I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through, I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew, even now

Even now when I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you've been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And this pain inside of me goes on and on, even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shinin' through I swear I think of you and God,
I wish you knew Somehow, even now

I had always wondered why both my mum and dad could not listen to this song, until i read the lyrics. Then i remembered, when she was still alive, my baby sister loved this song and asked my mum to play this song over and over again. That was over 24 years ago, and to this day, whenever my parents hear this song, they tear.

It is a beautiful song, with so much meaning. Now i know why it hurts so much to listen to this song.

sad

2005-10-23T15:53:00.000+08:00

Sad post today.....I really hate it when someone i truly care about gets hurt like this. It makes me wonder what the hell the guy was thinking when he broke her heart like that??? How could he hurt someone who loves him so???
I hate to see her like that...all broken hearted and upset. But then again, she does have this way of keeping a smile on her face when she is around the YM, and even around me...weird....She keeps saying she is not strong to face this, but she is doing a hell of a job at it.

Be strong my friend, you will be much better off without him in your life.

cheers

What is a guy to do?

2005-10-10T13:47:00.001+08:00

Its been a week since Edric came down to stay with me. Its been nice having my lil bro down here. Can you imagine the nonsense the both of us will get up to in the house alone??? It will be the ultimate bachelor's pad.

Been spending most of last week in the Curve after work and on the weekends. Due to the fact that Edric is working in the Nike Culture shop there. All i can say is this, the Curve is not too bad a place to chill, (Starbucks lar) but the views on the weekends are not too bad either. It might just become our next chill place besides Mt. Kiara.

Do you remember the promise i mande to myself a few months ago??? The one about not getting close to anyone girl...well shit...I invertently allowed myself to get close to her. The scary part is that this is how i was with the 3 of them 2 years ago, and look at how we are now... Its scary. I'm scared history would repeat itself. Ya know, at times i do wonder if my life would be any different if i did not get close to them? Whenever my mind is idle, i tend to over think stuff and situations. like in my friendship with Nicole. I tend to over think stuff thats all. Nothing too serious lar....No, i don't intend to get involve with her, she is a good friend that i like to kacau...plus she kacau's me back as well.....till 3 am in the morning at times... :)

So far at this moment, the only girl i really want to get to know more intimately is Rachael. I saw her on the weekend at mass in Assumption. She was so in shock to see me there. hehehe.it was nice to see her. After mass we talked a bit with her sis and with Edric as well. Rachael was telling me that we need to meet up soon...and i agreed. I must give her a call. I would love to get her out on a date...but the the only problem is that she might have a bf already, or so she said lar. Sigh...why is it that all the good ones are always taken???

Greatness.

2005-10-01T12:52:00.000+08:00

Geez...my age is really showing man, i have been downloading so many old songs, the type that my parents used to hear when they were young. Recently i was downloading the song 'Paint it black" by the Rolling Stones, and my mum recognized it stright away and said, "Wah, Rolling Stones.....not bad"....yesh....i'm getting old.

On a better note, life is slowly picking up, i mean, for my brothers and i, in terms of careers, all of us seem to be progressing fairly well. By the way things are moving, all of us are destined for greatness. Keep an eye on us.

Oh...i appeared in this last months female magazine, for the MNG fashion Show that i attended.
Cute pic. hopefully this will not be the last one to appear in any mags lar..heheh

cheers

Eventuallity

2005-09-11T14:23:00.000+08:00

Do not look at death as a bad thing....In some cases death is the only way. It is a means to an ends. It is a start to another journey, a journey home. Do not grief or be sadden that someone close to you is dying, but be happy for them, cos they are free from all the worries of the world, and they are going home.

My grandfather is dying. I know i might sound like a insensetive prick by saying all that i have said, but face the facts lar, we are all going to die, its just a matter of when thats all. In some bizzare sense, i'm kinda glad is is going, cos at least it will end his sufferings. I know i sound heartless and all but i would rather him die than suffer like he is now.

He was asking for all of us grand childrens by name, and i am the only one here. I will have to go back a.s.a.p. to see him.

I'm happy and sad at the same time.
I will miss him, but i know in my heart he will be going to a better place.

What the????

2005-09-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

Last night was suppose to be the optimum condition for a good night's rest. But nooo......my mind had other ideas. Had to do this to me lar...and ithad to be her. Why her? Why now? According to a friend of mine, his theory is that it is my subconcious telling me that i like her. Confused...Yar well so am i...this is my dream

Dream Journal dated 7th Sept 2005
Location: Unknown Restaurant at Unknown Mall but looks like 1U.
Time: Unspecific
Date: Undertermined

We were talking...at lunch/dinner...cant tell....talking to find out more about each other....and i can see her laughing. A good sign. She's enjoying herself.

Then we leave the restaurant just to take a walk....now here comes the scary part...i take her hand in mine and hold it, like its the natural thing to do, and she does not pull away. Its like, we have doing itfor so long already..it feels right.

Then i look at her and smile.....she turns...smiles....and then...

I wake up.

Gasp.....Why her?????? I promised myself i would do this anymore..that i would not fall for another.

Why??? I can't understand it at all...I mean ..yar..i do love talking to her..and i do like her as a friend, but i promised i would fall for another...and then this happenes.

Sigh....this is worrying....I did not expect to have this feelings for her.

Bye!

2005-09-05T15:38:00.000+08:00

I think is time to go.

I've put it off too long alreay. Its time to put into action what i've been meaning to do all these months.

Why now u ask...maybe because i'm tired of everything.....i'm tired of everyone as well.

Despite fo all the eventful happenings around my life, this is one aspect fo my life i need to change. Leaving for a while would do me good.

Beautiful weekend

2005-08-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

It was a beautiful weekend, with almost everything going my way or at least not going down hill lar. Let me break it down for you in categories:

Work
Work has been really good. The response for my recruitment ad is going well, I should be able to hit my FOS target. God know i need to increase my work force. I know i can do it.

Church
KAYM Car wash, ahahaha...they really suprised me, cos they did a really good job on my car. The only way it could look better if i did it myself. My thanks to them. You can wash my car anytime.

Love
No new developments here but no bad ones as well, so its all good. The relationships are as expected. Nothing new between me and them although did have a little spiff with nicole but i'm sure we will work through it, thats what friends do.

Friends
Zaki's wedding dinnerwas last night. All of us wanted to really dress up for the occasion and we all did. The guys were suppose to be in jackets but only Jen and Thiru did, KC and Romeo din want to. Norwin was gonna come in a purple shirt and a Leather Jacket, but hisplan was twarted by his mom who forbade him to leave for a malay wedding dressed like that, so he ended up coming in an orange baju melayu. Edric and I came as the typical chinaman that we are, dressed in a full length Kua. Him in blue and mine in black , I added a black scarf to enhance the look. hehehe...it was awesome, Everyone was like, wah lau...Damn gaya....... :)

Let me tell you this, edric and I were in most of the pictures cos almost everybody wanted to have their picture taken with us. We got to take pictures with all the girls..hehehehe, plus we were the only 2 fellas who got their picture taken alone with the Bride and Groom....Everyone was complaining that it was not fair, but the groom wanted the first picture with the 2 of us only. Then only came the whole group lar. I'll post the pics when i get them. It was an amazing night, even the grooms family was impressed with our dressing. The dad was like, you boys look good. :) It was all good man. Not only did Edric and i looked good but so did the rest of the gang, n all the girls looked amazing in their dresses.

Jen's birthday this Wed, will be held at Velvet Underground's Mambo Night. Bound to be a lot of girls so wish me luck, we will see how it goes. Never had much luck with women but no harm in trying rite? *smiles*

Love the missing

2005-08-11T11:48:00.000+08:00

I removed this entry because it was done for no apparent reason other than to remember the past.

This entry was made at a moment of weakness that will never be repeated.

It begins

2005-07-31T18:20:00.000+08:00

Geez man...On the night i decided to accept the job offer as Sales Manager of the Sunway Branch, I fractured the pinky on my right foot. Really tiu man. I was hoping tha it was just a pulled muscle ot a tendon, but after not being able to sleep the whole of Fri night, and the trobbing pain on Sat morning, i knew it was more than that. Drove myself to DSH and got my foot x-rayed and true enuff, fractured the bone. This is what happens when you leave your house keys at home. According to the Doc, it will take at least 3 weeks for the pain to go, and 6 weeks for the bone to heal completly. Right now i will have to walk with a walking stick to take some of the weight off my right foot.

I feel like an old man walking using the walking stick, but i have to say, I do carry it off well. Style mesti ada. The boys was saying, "Mahai, this fella can carry off that distinguish old man look with the walking, all he is missing is a cigar and a glass of brandy" Ahahaha.... If you have to suffer....suffer with style. So what if you have to use a walking stick? When you walk, do it with style.

Anyways, like i said, I am now the Sales Manager of the Sunway Branch of UDS Direct, a sales agency for Standard Chartered Banlk Credit Cards. I will still be doing the insurance thingy on the side of course, i do not intend to give it up. :)

Updates, I got a new phone, the Nokia 6020. It is about a week old now and it already has a dent on its covers. It is a great phone and i love it. :) ask me about it and i'll show it to you.

Went to mass today as well, got to see a lot of people, missed a lot of people as well. Sis was missing again, havent seen her in like weeks. I miss her. Saw Jocey looking as cute as ever. Ahaha, even Angeline was looking nice too. I even miss Nicole. Damn...I just realised something , all the people i miss are all girls. So what if i miss all the girls. I am closer to them after all. Havent seen Michelle too, saw Rose, saw my Bak Pau Bin (jocey's sis Sandra). I still miss a lot of people. Oh, I just found out something, remember Rachael, well she has a boyfriend. Fuck man. Why do all the good looking, potential girls always have boyfriends???

Will be up in Penang tomorrow, for a few days. Job Trainig, i have to update myself on the latest happenings and procedures of the industry. Its a brand new day my friend. A new begining.

Interesting

2005-07-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

A week has come and a week has gone and I am still in a good mood. I don't believe it. Who would have thought that a little hug and some comforting words could have such an effect on me? I didn't. But it was a great start for the week. I really love that girl. I really do.

Oh..on to some of the highlights of my nice week. I finally managed to get Rachael out for a drink with me. The first few times were unsuccessful due to a technical fault of our telecommunications provider. Heheheh.....neways, we met near her office, which also happeneds to be my hang out area...Mt Kiara, Starbucks of course. A little background on her, she was one of the team members fromthe Assumption youth team that was helping us with the youth camp, she is also younger than me lar...no..not that young...working already...okay?!?!? Neways..it was nice to catch up with her and all...SMSed her yesterday, telling her that it was nice to see her again and how i would like to be able to see her again...Her reply.."Hey sure, no problem. Maybe we can catch some jazz next week." I told her i'd give her a call next week after i get back from here.

She's nice. I like her. Lets see how far this will go.

An OMG way to start the week

2005-07-17T16:36:00.000+08:00

Its like that saying
"Once you have reached rock bottom, there is only one way to go and that is UP".

Today started like any other day, woke up, went for mass again cos i had to pass to U. David the receipts of the camp and also to collect the cheque from him. I was at my usual place at waiting for mass to start, when suddently Angeline looked behind, stood up and then called me. At first i was like, is she calling me? she never calls me..Why is she calling me? Mind you, she has not said more than 5 words to me in the past month and a half. It was also partly my fault cos i was never at KA for the past month anyway. Besides me being away, we also have never talked much after that night we exchanged those smses. We did bump into each other at mass and YM activities, but she always just say "Hi" and "Bye"... So i left it at that lar....

Neways, she was signaling for me to come over as though she had something to tell me. So, ok lor, I went over to her and then the most amazing thing happened........She hugged me??? She HUGGED me?!?!?!?! In my mind i was like....WTF is going on here????? I have to admit, i did miss her, and the hug was Amazing, with a capital A....Then she spoke, "Ewen, I'm sorry for being so unfriendly to you for the past few weeks".... My brains were still scrambled from that hug that all i could reply was..."It's ok" and she was like.."No...I'm really sorry"...and i was like "it's ok"....we went on like this for another round or so before i could think again and then i finally said "Its alright, you are forgiven" and then we chatted for a while longer like we were long lost friends who have not seen each other for years.

This a beautiful way to start the week. Last week was really rough for me, was feeling really shitty. That hugof hers, and to know that me and her are on good terms again, was the one thing that has picked me up and made my day. It has showed me that when you are down, do not despire, something will happen that will make your day. Angeline made mine.

Coming week

2005-07-03T22:05:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....Watch Initial D today, movie was good but the seating position sucked. 3rd row from the front, side seating. The drifting stunts were really good. We were all wondering if they were gonna butcher the movie by faking all the drifting scene's with computer graphics, but lo and behold....it was all real, well except for the crash scenes lar. I think i will go watch it again, but this time have to make sure the seatings are better.

Last Friday night, I had an appointment with my auntie's friends. Both husband and wife, was thinking of taking a medical card, but after i showed them about the Investment - Linked policy with the medical card rider, they were quite interested. But the thing that they are deciding now is the cost. It will roughtly cost each of them around RM5500 per year each. Meaning RM11,000 per year for the both of them. When I left them that night, they were deciding on either monthly or yearly payments. I hope they do take the plan cos at the moment they do not have any medical coverage.

We shall see how the coming week fares... I wil have to up my appointments and to increase my sales. I know i can do it. I am finally having fun.

Will i ever learn?

2005-06-28T13:46:00.000+08:00

They say only a fool learnes from his own mistakes.

I am the biggest fool of all, because i have still not learnt from mine.

Will i ever learn from my mistakes. I have been committing the same mistakes over and over again, the latest was last night, hoping for a different result everytime i ask.

Will i ask agin in the near future? Yes i will. Do not ask me why, cos i do not know.

Do you know what the definition of Insanity is?

Insanity is doing the same thing the same way hoping for a different result.

I am Insane!

Weird

2005-06-25T02:37:00.000+08:00

Although work has been good these past few weeks, going up to Penang again to hopefully get a few more cases. But I somehow still feel down, and I think I know why. I miss loving. I miss the feeling of loving someone. I used to have that feeling long ago when I had those few people in my life. Important people. I still remember those times when we all used to talk every other day, and how I felt like I was a part of their lives. I guess I miss being important to someone.
The day sis told me that she is always ok, and how she is all right on her own and how she can do things on her own. I knew in my heart that was the day I did not matter much to her anymore.
You know, I used to look forward to calling them at night, I used to miss talking to them. Caring for them. But now, it all seems futile, almost to the point of calling it "time that could have been spent doing other things". But if i could do it all over again, i would not change anything.
Sis is like almost non-existence. I only talk to Jocey once in a while, or when she needs something. She too has all her other friends who are a "higher priority" so who am I to argue? Used to talk to Jolene a lot, but that's dead too. Everyone else that I talk to is pretty much on a much lower level compared to 3 of them.
After going through the type of friendship I had with the 3 of them and how it is ending up, I don't want to have to go through it again with someone new and have the same thing happen again, I do not know if I will survive it. Opening up my heart to love again will not be easy.

Sigh, now that I am done feeling sorry for my pitiful existence, I am beside myself, thinking on what lies ahead for me. Will I ever find that elusive person to call my own? My dear? My love? Only time will tell. Its time to have faith and believe that I will get my just rewards someday.

2005-06-18T17:28:00.000+08:00

About a month ago, i received an letter addressed to Mr and Mrs Ewen Ho Foo Wen. The first thought that came to my mind was, What the Fuck??? Mr and Mrs?? Who in their right mind woud address a letter like this to me? I opened it and lo and behold, a wedding invitaton to the wedding of Susalina Bt Abdullah @ Joanne and Dino Wan Noor. Hehehe, it was my cousins wedding invitation. My other cousins other ideas was to invite Ewen ho and partner. Lolz, me introduce my girl to the rest of the family? Right, I can see it now..her running away screaming...But first things first..i need to find a girl. hehehe. People keep asking, when will it be my turn? When will i be walking down the asle? Ahaha, not till i'm 30 plus man.
The dinner was like any typical Malay wedding dinner, the music was the typical Malay music as well. Bleh..so boring.. Wanted to kacau jocey or nicole,but bloody hell i forgot to reload my phone, only had RM0.08 left when i went for the dinner. The dinner ended with the speaches by the brother of the groom and then followed by the bride and groom.
Ahh...family photo sessions. Hehehehe, our family was of course the noisiest of all the peoples there. Lauhghing and joking all the way. We ended the night with a family photo, whe whole family of course and then a little dancing to the song "We are Family" for the ending to the upcoming dvd of the wedding. :)
Oh man..everytime o come out to penang, i'm sure to over eat. it's been only 2 days since i'v arrived here but based on the amount i have been eating, you would think i have been here much longer than just 2 days.
Ok....Now that i have eaten so much at lunch, Banana leaf mind you, there is only one thing to do...SLEEP..hheehhe

Feeling Frisky

2005-06-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

Hehehe..i was a naughty boy last night..or should i say early this morning. After mamaking with the boys at hartamas, i do not know why but i was feeling hyper and frisky at the same time. So i thought why not....it would be fun to suprise her. hehehe...So i did. I got the idea from Dom when he did it for his mortal during the lentern angel program.

This is what i did. I went to her house with the lollipops in a plastic bag and hung it on her front gate. hehehe....i know i'm naughty, hehehehe..sorry lar...was feeling really, really frisky yesterday night. When i put the the bag on the gate, i also left a note saying "Please pass this to Nicole Ong, Thank you and God Bless", and in the note i wrote, "hehehe..this is to make sure you don't fall asleep during class..and dun scream too loud when you see this. Cheers."

The best thing was that she knew it was me who left it for her..

I am so naughty.

Oh man....

2005-06-12T19:08:00.000+08:00

Oh man....this has been a really long weekend...

3 days of 9am to 5pm training/seminar.

Friday night, kids slumber party from 9pm to 9am.

Phew...i need rest....

I was suppose to go up to Penang ths tuesday for work and my cousin is getting married. But a potential client of mine wants to meet up on Thursday. It looks promising.Wish me luck on that.

Oh......Daphne is talking to me...yea...While on the phone with Nicole, i was daph and family, her dad saw me and waved, I saw daphne and wanted to say Hi but i thought...Nah..she's still not talking to me.. So i just walked off, then suddently she smacked me and was like, hei. Hehehe..i'm so happy she is ok with me now...

Aiyo...Nicole is so ahahah..weird...and very confusing most of the time...heheh. Ya know, its nice talking to her.

Aiks

2005-06-08T17:23:00.000+08:00

Fuck me...fuck me sideways.....What the hell wei??? Somehow...without asking properly...i managed to get her out on a "date"...so to speak...I still don't believe it. The boys was saying..Hehehe...ewen...u kena con into a date....

I wasn't even trying..I mean, I was just answering her question of whether she was flirtious..and i said Yes...Then she merajuk complaining that i should have said something like "no your not, your an angel....or some shit like that"..and then i gave her some bullshit line about how its against our religion to lie.........i know ....cock rite...but with her..i dun say the usual sweet things that i always do with the others...after that....she was like..."am i?? really?.....when i told her yes...she said that how would i know...we never talk face to face before..so i said..yar you're right...why don't me meet then....if you are anywhere near how you are online..confirm sure haavoc wan talking to you...Then she said....I want peach lollipop...Peach lollipop??She said...yar..bring me one when you take me out...eh??? i take her out?...this is getting weird...

We will see how.. but i don't think it will happen lar...

2005-06-05T21:55:00.000+08:00

Youth Camp 2005...Location: Port Dickson...
Day 1 was an interesting experience; total turnout for the camp is 33 people including Dom and I. You know, I do wish Sis and Jocey was here, especially Sis, because many of the topics that was covered is so right for her. All the topics being covered by Mervin touches upon the practical Christian living in today's world, and this includes the challenges faced by the youths of today, and I know she will benefit from it. She is still not talking to me... guess this time we did have a massive fight, I know she still feels like I do not care about her. You know, even though she doesn't answer any of my calls or sms's, I don't hold it against her at all, I just hope and pray that she will know that I will always be there for her no matter what.

New girl...Nicole... what's with me and younger women? I know I promised that I would never allow myself to get close to another one, but for the life of me, I do not know what is with this girl...maybe its true on what she told me, that her mum thinks that she is overly friendly with guys... maybe its true...who know...all I know is that she is really friendly over the phone and through the sms, don't know if its just to me or to all her friends as well. Who would have thought that I could talk to her so easily? After all, in her first sms to me already showed to me that this girl is not normal as in the normal as all other girls...already she blew me away with her scarstic comment on msn on our first conversation.

Day 2 started on a weird note, din sleep much last night, because everyone was too hyped up on being at camp...so pranks were played. Dom got his toenail painted...I got lucky cos I was a slight sleeper. But I was unlucky when I feel asleep just now in the afternoon... Woke up with my finger and toenails painted, in pink, gold and blue. Bleh...if they did it properly then I would not be so urgh...but then again...blue, pink and gold????? Right....

Just finished an inner healing session. The one thing I hate about this kind of session is that it always involves forgiving someone who has hurts me the most. Last year, I did not know who or what I was asking forgiveness for, but all I know was that I felt his love for me. This year was a little different as I know who she is...Jolene...sigh... I knew her issue would come up. Every time I think about the things she said about me, I feel betrayed, that all this time out friendship was all based on a notion we were doing it for own selfish reasons. I somehow don't believe that. She may question my methods in which I handle my friendship, but she can never question my friendship. I have been bitten so many times by so called 'friends' that I do not offer my heart and hands freely. But when I do, it is lifetime guarantee that I will stand beside you through thick and thin. I am the type of friend that does not a friend hanging. That was the promise that I made to her when I offered her my hand in friendship. I can tell you this, I do not regret nor will I ever will regret the time I extended my hand in friendship. I do miss my friend; she is the one person who has seen me at my weakest moment. She is the one person I felt most comfortable with to tell almost everything and anything. I miss her.

Camp

2005-06-01T15:54:00.000+08:00

Dammit...i hate this.....i have had this feeling since last week. The last time i had this feeling was this same time last year...Camp.....but this time, I am one half of the organizing committee.

We shall see how well we can run this camp...But i can't shake this feeling that i'm missing something...

Shit..i hate this....

Hell of a week

2005-05-28T23:01:00.000+08:00

This week has been hell...Headaches, broken appointments, and more headaches. Headaches that feel like a hangover without the joys of drinking the night before. This sucks man, whenever I get these types of sinus-induced headaches, I can't do anything but stay in my dark cool room all day long till it subsides. But I'm thankful that I only get these types of headaches once in a blue moon.

Finally saw Jocey for the first time in 2 weeks. I can't believe that although I did talk to her over the phone, I still missed her a lot. She finally took off the braces, and damn she looks good. Hehehe.. I was tempted to tell her this...I had always wondered what would it be like to kiss a girl with braces on...Now that you took it off, it looks like I won't be able to find out. :) cheeky huh...

Lolz...1 more week to camp. So many people that I was hoping to spend some time with is not coming, Jocey is still undecided, Michelle is not coming, neither is Rose, Daphne is not coming as well, but considering what happened yesterday, I'm not sure if she will speak to me or not. Angeline too was telling me that she is not coming, but she smsed me yesterday asking what time were we leaving for camp on Fri.?...Is she coming? I hope so, it will give me sometime to talk to her since that faithful night where I told her I liked her.

I'm so worried about Daphne, so many things has happened to this girl already that I can't help but feel sorry for her. It pains me to see her like that , going through so many things in her like and not have many people to turn to. I was one of the people that she could talk to, but after yesterday I'm not too sure anymore. I've called, I've smsed but she won't pick up or reply. I know she is angry at me, for some of the things I said. I know she feels that I dun care abt her and that I'm not on her side because I tried to explain why her parents behave the way they do, and she accused me of being on their side. She should know me by now that I am always on her side no matter what, and that I am always there for her. I love and care for this girl too much to let her go. She is my sis, now and forever.

Day or celebration

2005-05-23T14:17:00.000+08:00

After weeks and weeks of practice, its has finally come to a finish. I am sad its over, i did enjoy those times of meeting new people and singing with them. My throat now feels funky, almost to the point of being extremly husky. hehehehe...the singing during The Witnes and then the clubbing afterwards did not help one bit. :) I loved singing for a production like that. Hmm..i wonder if there will be other opportunities for me to join another musical again. I hope so.

I left the concert early last night. Was feeling tired after the performance, but had to meet up with the boys at Velvet, thats why i drove to Bukit Jalil. But that was after my cousin Elise finally revealed herself to me. ( no...not in that way...bastards) I saw her on Sat that the Youth Festival on Sat in Kajang, but i was not sure if it was her. I was telling myself..that girl looks familar, she really does.....but lo and behold she recognised me. I was wondering why she was staring at me when i walked by her at lunch on sunday.

Thats when the sms's started....
"u look cool in your shades".....my reply...."Thanks...."
Then she missed called me..... my reply..."Yes??? Who r u?"
"I'm ur secret admirer, whats ur name ar?.....My reply "Rite, not many ppl who know my no will ask me my name. So Sorry...."
"I'm your cousin elise lar...U dun remember me is it? I walked by u three times today and i also asked edric for your no. Dun be angry ar"

Hehehe..there i was wondering if that was her or not..and then she pulled this on me...Damn i feel dumb.....

Anyways I left the concert and joined the boys in Velvet for a special Mambe night party. Luckly i got there at 12, cos thats when the music really started to pick up. I was already feeling hyper cos at the concert, i was singing at the top of my lungs and was just itchying to dance. So when i got there, i took 3 shots of pure white and hit the dance floor. I was on the dance floor since i arrived there and only left it as we were leaving at 3am. 4 hours of non-stop dancing. I do love dancing. There were so many beautiful women there last night. There wes a group of 3 girls dancing to us, 2 of then were really cute..shit..i should have made a move on them lar. Wasted...Oh well...no guts no glory.....

It was a really eventful session that i had yesterday. I will miss the rest of the casts of The Witness. Hopefully we will be able to meet up again...

Mambo NIte

2005-05-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

I've always enjoyed going out clubbing. Ever since the first time i went out, i've always enjoyed myself. It does not matter if i go to the clubs alone or with a group of friends, i always have fun. I get to meet all kinds of people, from all walks of life, all just having a good time.

And i so love the sights in the clubs as well. All those sexy, gorgeous, alluring babes dancing, swaying and gyrating to the music is intoxicating. I admit, this is the one thing that i really miss about clubbing...the girls...its all about the girls. It always has been and it always will be. Last nite was no difference, there were so many beautiful women there, but the down side was that they were all there with guys. Could not tell if they were single or not. I wish they were.

Still thinking abt Jolene lately. I keep telling myself that this was an eventuality, that we were never meant to be friends to begin with. That we were never meant to be as close as we were. But i somehow still feel that if i did do something different or that i just did something, we would still be friends. What Jen said was true, if she ever came to me and said that she would still want us to be friends again.....I would say Yes in a heartbeat. I know this, as much as what she said about me hurts me to the core, i still care for this girl. I really do. Its hard to let go of something that feels so right. I know i will have to but its hard. I still hurt from time to time when i think of what she said, i know that i will eventually forgive her, but i will never forget the things that she said....

Dead to me

2005-05-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

I never realised how much she could hurt me??? After all the things i have done for her...After being there for her all this while...Well all i can say is this.....

I do not need this from her.....I do not need her friendship nor do i want it.

She is DEAD to me.